I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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