she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
