your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
