I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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