That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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