You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
