I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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