dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
