We're facebook friends in real life
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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