return my video game
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
