Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
