8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
