i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
