A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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