Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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