Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
