You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
