capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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