i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
