Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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