I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
