I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
