I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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