I'm going to jail i love you
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
