nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
