Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you traded sex for a burrito?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's shark week go big or go home
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
