I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Randomize
