Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
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