I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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