GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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