Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
