This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize