Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
