i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
