Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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