she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
