I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
