I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
