dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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