Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
