i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
