man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I love how my cats smell like pot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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