can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize