4 words: hood of his car
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
