Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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