toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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