we have pet lesbian snakes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
