so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
