ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
