Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
