So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
