If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
