Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So many bounce houses so little time
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize