Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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