i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
