you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
