I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I will die if light touches me.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize