The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
