You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I will pee on everything he values.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
