Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize