i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
