Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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