in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize