Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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