My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
