I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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