my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize