good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize