dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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